Raving Lunacy : Auntie Wicked’s Tips to Survive the Holidays

Raving Lunacy : 

Tips to Survive the Holidays! 

by A.Wicked

The Holidays… Wow! What a time. I dread them every year. I do so yearn for the times when the holidays where a child-like thing! Alas, for your Auntie Wicked, this has been a century or two. That is why I’m ever on the quest to simplify, support, and encourage everyone to stop acting like Wunderkin Saints. It must be remembered that every one of us is a human and like performers, if you are having a horrible, stressful time that you aren’t enjoying, how on earth are you going to spread the cheer? That is what we are trying to spread isn’t it?

So here are some tips and tricks to gently avoid the hysterical Superhero complex that destroys our Holiday Spirits!

Cleaning

Cleaning is the worst part about this time of year when guests frequent your house, particularly guests who are family. The first step ,in a clean house, is a clean conscience, and meditating on the FACT that someone is bound to be picky about your house, be it decor, level of cleanliness, or what have you or have you not. Steel yourself for this fact, and decide before anyone invades your space how you are going to react to it. This will be the greatest preparatory moment for you!Second round of preparation is having plenty of versatile supplies on hand. A big bottle of White Vinegar can save you from TONS of potential disasters. Not only does it melt burnt-on food from dishes, it also can be a drain cleaner, streak free window cleaner, cheap fabric/carpet deodorizer, it can cure an over-salted dish, and if you put some in a bowl with a slice of lemon into the microwave, you can have that thing SPARKLING in less than 2 minutes work!My best advice for the working Host/Hostess is, if you can afford an Early Present to yourself, please hire a maid-service. NOT only can you contribute to the economy by employing someone else’s hard work but you can also reap the benefits of real relaxation at an an often relatively inexpensive rate. Maid-services have their own supplies, equipment, and experience! For a scant two hours you can have someone who will clean your space to sparkling, and all you have to do is come home and put your feet up! Eschew the shame of being too tired after a long day to play Donna Reid for the family darlings, trust Auntie on this one.

Decorating

Holiday Decorating! What a lovely part of the Holidays. I could spend hours on making everything pretty but not everybody has the time or the knack for it. I have a range for all lvls of anyone, from cheap to expensive, from DIY to store-bought here!For the DIY’er who loves to craft and reuse, check out Craftzine.com, they have amazing holiday features for anyone from simple crafting, to complex hand-made ideas, templates, and decorations. http://craftzine.com/For the budget babies, I have Dollar Store Crafts. I can’t say how cool I think this site is, its more than realistic budget for crafts (there are many many crafty sites that are not written for a minimum wage budget, ifyouknowhatimean), and really honestly lovely results! http://dollarstorecrafts.com/Now don’t shoot me auntlings, but my dirty little secret is Martha Stewart. Her projects can be hit or miss, but even then I’m always looking at her Magazine and Show for inspirations. The great thing about her is that if you HAVE the cash, you can buy some beauuutiful things, and if you don’t, she is practically the MUSE of household inspiration! http://www.marthastewart.com/holidaysDon’t despair darlings! If you don’t have the time to make any decorations, you should not EVAR feel bad about it! Just go and clean out a holiday section at your local store, thrift or otherwise, and put up whatever glittery-turkey-tinsel decorations you can find! Or you can simply go with classic fruit centerpieces with those oranges poked full of cloves. Classic and edible! If anybody notices, they’re jerks and should be dealt with accordingly.

CookingCooking

Now, this Auntie has VERY strong feelings about being Wonder Woman. We would all love to be her, faster than a speeding chef, more powerful than an army of maids, able to leap decor difficulties in a SINGLE bound… However, Ladies and Germs, we have to realize we are only human. Frequently the single most STRESSFUL moment for any Host/Hostess comes when it time to feed the hordes of household intruders. Hors d’ oeuvres? Turkey, Ham, Sides, DRINKS? It makes me want to pull my hair out just THINKING about it!I suggest to ANY busy person who is going to be hosting a dinner STRONGLY that they look into budgeting for a bit of Catering. Now this doesn’t have to be some high-end 200 dollar a plate type catering, darlings! In fact places like Kentucky Fried Chicken can offer whole holiday meals or just your Holiday bird! Or find alternatives like the Roasted Chickens from the Grocery Store, pre-cooked Hams (warmed up in the oven with a bit of honey and BAM its like you did it yourself!), or even go CRAZY and warm up a nice pan of Lasagna. I hear SO many stories of people talking about making new and easy things for Holidays, just to be voted down by the guests that won’t be spending their time slaving over the stove. I say treat your position as cook as though you are an Evil Overlord. If they want to come, you’ll cook what you feel like cooking, and they’ll eat it without complaint or be put STRAIGHT in the chokey!

 ****Side-Track****

Now there are about 400 rags, articles, and sites that will fill your head with tripe, almost all of it will be pish-posh about sticking to your diet during the Holidays. Children… children!!! HOLIDAY, whether you know it or not, is synonymous for a break, leisure and enjoyment. Don’t worry your bonny butts off whether you eat seconds of gravy, two pieces of pie, or so much Turkey you ache for days. I will support you if you choose to stick to your guns, but don’t torture yourself!! Torture is, after all, the antithesis of healthy and fun.

GiftsGifts

I make lists obsessively. Every year I make a gift list, and it seems to grow and grow. Most of the time budget and supplies dwindle long before I can give everyone the things I wanted to give them. This year, with the economy crushing down on many of us, I know that everyone’s gift giving rituals have gotten harder. Here’s a special tip from me, Take that gift-list? Rip it up. Unless its a parent, a BFF, or a child; gifts are unnecessary. Make a card, a sketch, a phone call. E-cards are still free on some sites, and if you are afraid someone will be upset that you didn’t give them a gift, they might need to be struck off your friend’s list anyway! It’s truly surprising how you can bolster your own holiday spirit by taking the pressure OFF yourself and trying to sit back and enjoy your own celebrations!

(image (c) the Tee & Charles Addams Foundation)

I do hope my dears, that this helps you really enjoy your Holidays! Remember, Moms, Dads, Sisters, Cousins and Daughters… Enjoy yourself. Make that your REAL gift of the season which will, undoubtedly make everyone else happier!

See : OMNOMNOM Recipies : Lumi Does the Christmas Pumpkin.And : A Holiday Poem by 2 Aunties 

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